Tag Archives: commitment

Commitment, Change, and The Goal

10 Mar

Human mind tends to forget when other people do the right things, but always remember when other people make mistake. Because we know that this is how the mind works, sometimes it’s harder for us to admit whenever we make mistake rather than to acknowledge whenever we do the right things.

That means we have to be really careful when making a commitment. Because once we break it or modify it, the-person-we-commited-to might not like it, and see the changes as our fault and will never be able to forget it.

Therefore, before making a commitment we should really think through it.

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Take a deep breath and think, whether we’ll always be able to do as agreed or there might be times when we’ll not be able to do so. Or whether the-person-we-committed-to might tighten the commitment or might loosen up in the middle of it.

Take a deep breath and think, how serious it will be if there are changes made in the middle of the commitment. How (in)flexible we are and the-person-we-commited-to.

Take a deep breath and think, how big is our heart to admit whenever there’s mistake made, both in the beginning or during the commitment. And how big is his/hers.

Take a deep breath and think, how committed we are and the-person-we-commited-to in order to achieve the goal of the commitment. How important is the commitment, for us and for him/her.

The journey is counted. But what really matters is whether the goal of the commitment is achieved or not. Be realistic in the logical world.

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By Fate and or By Choice?

25 Oct

Someone-really-special-to-me accused me that I don’t love him because I could never understand what he really want to, I could never get what is his feeling, I could never listen and remember what he said.

After all the things that I’ve done for him, that I’ve done with him, but all he could say was I don’t love him (enough), I began to doubt what love is. I thought I know what it is, but turned out I don’t.

After all the patience, the waiting, the understanding, the sacrifice, all the things that I did in the last 2 years just to be with him is not called love, then perhaps I really don’t know what love is.

He said we met again after separated 9 years was fate, and I believe him.
He said we’re finally together is because he loves me and I love him, and I believe that.
Then he started to doubt me, accused me that I don’t love him, that we’re together because of choice not fate.

What?

What is wrong with being together by choice? Despite of all the choices I could make, I chose to be together with him. What’s more committing than that? And that’s the wrong one?

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Dear you, we were together by fate and supported by choice. What’s stronger than that? Yet we couldn’t be together any longer. I don’t understand.

Fear of Adulthood: Peter-pan Generation

24 Sep

There are two kind of people in their earlier stage of life, those who couldn’t wait to grow up and be an adult, and those who doesn’t want to grow up and remain as a kid. Which ever they choose to believe in, will resulted much later in their future life, the adult time.

Many people believe young adult should live separately from their parents, especially after graduated from senior high school. It will be best to attend college in different city from parents’ house, so the young adult could experience the real independency.

That includes living in a dorm or in a rented house with friends. That includes cooking their own meal, washing their own clothes, paying parts of their own bill. Including part time work to start paying student loan, remembering how expensive it is, in US for example.

Couldn’t blame those who didn’t want to grow up when they were still a little kid. Perhaps, they are actually the visionaory one because in fact aldulthood is not easy. And they could predict it years before they enter the adult life, that’s pretty amazing.

Problem comes when the young adult who don’t want to act according to their age, that they want to remain treated as a kid, in their twenties or thirties. Watch cartoon, read chicklit, play online games, are few of the symptopms. I personally believe young adult who mainly used their gadget to play games is part of this Peter-pan-generation, as daily mail called it (read here for more).

Adulthood is never about growing old. It’s about people who grow up and find their maturity towards financial things (carreer, mortgage) and family things (marriage, kids). People can have kids and be financially dependent to their parents in the same time. In the other hand, people could also be financially independent but clinging to their young life as long as possible, has no intention to settle down.

Naturally, people will grow old by the time being. To grow up being an adult and live in real life like Wendy is an option. We could also choose to act like a kid in our adult time and live like Peter pan in Neverland.

Our life, our choice.

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This post has been published in DVRG Magazine.